Originally posted September 14, 2016.

No baby yet. It’s been pretty disheartening, to say the least. I feel like a broken record with all of this…

This month makes 2 years of going through this process and I am beginning to lose hope. After last month, when I thought we did everything right and STILL no baby… I decided to go ahead and schedule an appointment with a fertility specialist. The appointment is later today.

I am feeling nervous, excited, hopeful, and yet I’m mentally preparing myself for another disappointment. I’ve heard tremendous things about the doctor we’re going to see so I’m praying that he is able to provide some answers for us or at least give us some direction in this process.

To make things worse, I just left a client’s home and there was a relative there who was obviously nearing the end of her pregnancy and she was toking away on her cigarette while I was there. It made me so annoyed and angry. Like… this person can get pregnant? But I can’t?! Yeah… It’s crazy to me how this world works sometimes.

Anyhow, J is coming with me to the appointment and I am very grateful that he is taking the time off of work to be there to provide some support and also seek some answers. One thing I am very thankful for, is that the nightmare of this “TTC journey” has not ruined us. There have been some stressful points, but, overall, we have really only become stronger as a result of this crap. So, that is something that gives me some faith and hope.

…In other news, J’s parents have come down to help us with the house a couple of weekends last month. One weekend, J’s mom helped me re-paint the nursery. The initial color I picked seemed kind of dark for the space so we left an accent wall in that color and painted the other 3 a much lighter shade. I know it’s odd, but her helping paint the room that will, hopefully, someday hold our little one gave me such joy. It’s great that J’s parents are so supportive and his mom never even gave me grief when I told her about the “baby mojo” story. She just acted like it was perfectly normal, even though… I know it’s not. Lol!

I’ve been seeing a counselor for a few weeks now and that has helped a lot in so many ways. I, honestly, can’t even express how much it has helped me so far!

I’d better get going. I have another client to see. Say prayers for me today! I’ll share feedback later…

Until Next Time…