Some of you may be curious if that peaceful attitude in my last post is holding up. Admittedly, some days have been a challenge, but mostly, I am still at ease with all of this. This week I found out a girl I worked with from 2014-2015 who was trying to get pregnant back in the spring of 2015 has conceived and is 3 months into her pregnancy. She and I commiserated a little about difficulties getting pregnant, but she was working on her 2nd baby and I still hadn’t conceived a first child. I also was still pretty early in my TTC journey so the stress and pressure wasn’t as extreme because we’d only been trying about 9 months. Part of me was very happy for her that she was able to get pregnant, but another part of me felt sad for me. So that was a little punch to the gut.

Otherwise, it’s been pretty stable. Last month, I started crocheting a blanket for my future child in faith. I’m close to wrapping that project up, but I find I’m not in a big hurry to finish it. When I’m crocheting it, I feel somehow connected to my future baby. I imagine holding her in it. I can envision watching her play peek-a-boo with it and dragging it down the hallway to cuddle on the couch with us for morning cartoons. Ugh. My heart hurts a little, but it’s the closest I can get right now.

Last month, I also had two dreams about a positive pregnancy test and I was devastated when my cycle came two days later. Sometimes it is hard to remain hopeful and optimistic, but I still believe that God is working out the details and making it happen. I’m waiting in faith…

Until Next Time…

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